The Bitch is Back ( not dead yet)

Hi World,

eating disorder is back i think.
i used to be anorexic bulimic
when those psych type say its because of ur mental situation, can't agree more.
trust me, i don't have any image problem.
may b i don't like my inner me that much, but my outer me works just fine for me.
but everytime i'm stressed out over something, be it work, school or relationship, i tend to turn into self-destroying method.
i tried cutting b4.doesn't work for me. coz i get dizzy at the sight of blood. haha. must be related to Joan of Arc in previous life or smth :P
so scare of blood that i never even donated blood.
oh no. not never. only once. when my first boyfriend told me that he collect those pins that u got when u donate blood, i did donate blood very bravely because i want to give him that pin as a present. heeeeee. i'm such an idiot, ain't i?
ok ...back on track. so i ain't become a cutter luckily ( i hate those scars too)
so i become a bruiser. i punch the wall and most of the time my knuckles are swelling. :P
then i found a perfect way of selfdestroying method
eating disorder.
avoid as much as u can, and when u can't avoid eating ( family reunion dinner, ur granny's birthday)
purge it out :)
i'm not promoting it. but i must admit, the mini-high i get from purging food out is a little addicted.
it lasted about a year or so. and i lost 30 lbs. my family started to wonder what's wrong with me.
they did a medical chk up on me, but at that time, 12 years ago, eating disorder is not even a formal diagnosis, i think.
so i got over my first wave of A&B( anorexic, bulimic) period.
i did have some relapses. but only for a short while so not so obvious on my physical.
but now..........things starting to get complicated, and the bitch is back
i don't know what to do. in fact i just finished purging out my whole dinner.
if i look on a bright site, well.........may b i'll lose weight :D
sorry to make ur days worse.
may be i'll take down this post some day, but for now please let me indulge in my stupidity.